Category: Reflection

I hope I’m not pushing myself too much….

Time flies.. and I am in the exact period when I found out that I have a lupus flare-up last year.

Life has been hectic, work has been stressful, and my eyes are getting more and more sore as a result. Sore eyes is normally a direct result of stress. This type of stress arises when I need to conduct courses. I have no issues conducting courses, but I often worry if people would learn during my sessions, and whether my sessions will achieve the intended objectives. I sworn off courses in October due to the high levels of stress caused by my own expectations. Ironically, I had to conduct another two day course again this week. I was supposed to have several colleagues assist me with the instruction of the course, since I prepare most of the materials. And yet, 2 out of the 4 instructors that promised to help did not turn up due to compelling reasons. So I had to be there both days.

After two days, I am glad it is over. I could not help but think: everyone has got their reasons why they fall apart.. What about me? It was inconsiderate for those people who just go ahead told me that they could not make it, and then did not offer to find any replacement. Just because I am still alive, does not mean I need to shoulder the world, no?

This is not the end yet. This is the nature of the job I am in. After you finished saving one fire, there are more fires waiting for you ahead. There will never be real peace of mind, until the day you quit. I have not decided to quit though. I still need the insurance for my lupus. Haha. I could pay for my medical expenses, but if someone else is paying for it, why not?

I am due for another check-up the week after next. I really need to manage my workload for the next two weeks so that my lupus do not flare-up again and cost me another one year of same heavy immunosuppressant dosage again. I am used to eating medication every day, but it would be good if I could taper down slightly.

Everyday is another day. Everyday is a day we fight for our survival. Gods be good and please do not let my good old friend flare-up again.

Josie’s parenting journey of a 6-year-old kid with a critical illness

(Note: The picture above is not Josie’s kid)

When I first met Josie (not her real name), it was during a lupus support group forum. The topic for the forum was about Lupus Nephritis medications. A young lady raised her hand, and spoke of her 6-year-old daughter’s conditions. The girl has been diagnosed with lupus nephritis class IV, and is currently undergoing chemotherapy. The doctor mentioned that in the past it is a fatal disease. But now generally people could live with it up to 20 – 30 years.

“Do you mean she can only live up to 30s as she’s 6 now?” She sobbed.

That was almost eight months ago. That was the first time I met Josie.

Continue reading “Josie’s parenting journey of a 6-year-old kid with a critical illness”

My lupus comeback update: Something is better, something worse..

The good news is.. I no longer have joint pains.

The bad news is.. Lupus is still attacking my kidneys.

I was tempted to put the title as ‘It is not getting any better.’ but I know better to beat myself down at this stage. After all it is supposed to be an experiment, is it not? Since there are different outcomes for experiments, the only reasonable thing to do at this point of time is to change the way how things are done.

Continue reading “My lupus comeback update: Something is better, something worse..”

The handover procrastination syndrome and how to overcome it

The handover procrastination syndrome is a syndrome where one feels that it is impossible to handover their current tasks to the next person because of an utter sense of responsibility. You worry that you might be passing on unresolved problems, and therefore hope to minimise the hassle before handing over. Ironically this procrastination created even more stress to the person as there seems to be no escape from the piles of responsibilities that should have shifted place long ago.

Continue reading “The handover procrastination syndrome and how to overcome it”

The good and the bad – A reflection on 2017

The good

  • Setting up investment goals and systematically keeping money into low cost index fund accounts.
  • Visualise a date and goal for early retirement
  • Launched my blog
  • Did my first anchoring for lead climbing
  • Managed to finish 8 books during the year

The bad

  • Lupus relapse
  • Pissing off a main influencer
  • Gaining weight

Continue reading “The good and the bad – A reflection on 2017”

If you can survive the hospital, you can survive everything else

Spoiler alert: This is not a hospital bashing article.

Hospitals.

The real place that taught me so much on acceptance. It taught me that I am no special snowflake. It taught me that everyone else’s lives are also important. It also taught me that if everyone is giving it a fight, why would someone else expect their fight to be more brutal than the others’?

Continue reading “If you can survive the hospital, you can survive everything else”

Insomnia: My good ol’ get-work-done-odd-hours pal

I am wide awake again.

This happened when I had increased dosage of prednisone and sleeping two hours earlier like how it was when I first had lupus approximately two years ago. Instead of wasting time watching silly videos in bed, I figure maybe I should just write about how this could actually be a good thing.

Continue reading “Insomnia: My good ol’ get-work-done-odd-hours pal”

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