The periodic checkup readings to a lupus patient, especially for a Lupus Nephritis patient, is never short of a roller coaster ride where randomness is the only constant.
When the readings were good, you were so glad that all the conscious efforts you took actually wield some power over the results. You must have done something right in that period before you last saw the doctor.
When the readings were bad you will believe that having too much fun attending a few nights of jazz festival, doing too much of a rockclimbing, skipping a week of the royal jelly honey, or that stressful week that you have gone through, was the reason why everything went downhill. You needed a reason why in spite all the efforts you put through, the discipline you held well, luck was not in your favour, and you did not get what you ‘deserved’.
It was really hard to accept the moment when you first get that bad results, and your doctor telling you that they had to increase your medication for the next few months till you see them the next appointment. A thousand thoughts go through your head, asking why. Like when my lupus first comeback, and then it got worse, then it improved.
I have learnt to kind of become stoic in the process.
It did not become better because I led a great life, I was disciplined, I followed all the great teachings of the wise ancestors.
Neither did it become worse because I was a bad person, I did not eat enough fruits, I did not quit my job so that I could rest full time etc.
It became what it is because of randomness.
There was no reason!
So there you have it.
What was the point of my post again? Oh yeah my readings actually improved up to the point where my protein leakage is back to the level of a healthy person’s level.
So I am kind of relieved, but I was not overjoyed. I am stoic.
Thank you for the random luck I get for enjoying my life thoroughly before I got the results. 🙂