For some reasons, I had to reflect on what I have done in the past six years. Six years was a definitive milestone in my life. Somehow a discussion between colleagues made me decided to re-think what had I achieved in the past six years as I was starting to feel that I had not achieve much.
I made a little life chronology of my own as follows:
2013 Life milestone
2014 Took on a bigger project
2015 Same bigger project. Got Lupus in Dec 2015.
2016 Spent around 3 months to contain and get acquainted to my Lupus.
2017 Got into two very stressful projects (May and Nov), temporary change of department. Lupus relapsed in Dec 2017.
2018 Readings got back normal in April 2018. Changed back to the original dept.
2019 Lupus contained so far (up till early June 2019)
Looking at this, I think I am now more forgiving of myself.
Half of the time I was trying to manage to stay within a zone that my Lupus is comfortable with. Staying afloat was already considered the milestone that I could manage. Looking at the chronology above, it is true that a relapse happens when stress piles up. It does not happen immediately when the triggering event took place. It normally takes around 3-5 months for the floodgate to build up and then unleashed. When it relapsed, it takes 3-4 months to contain the effects of the relapse. It was a period of uncertainty, and a whole new process to accept why it happened, and then to not worry too much about it.
No doubt that at some point of time in the near future, I have to re-think about my future. For now, I think I need to give some credit to myself for staying alive. Cheers.
What about you? Do you think I should cut myself some slack?
LUPUS 500 DAYS 